and on it continues

Jay was not shocked when I punched him in the face. If anything, he looked as though he had expected nothing else. He didn't even leave, he just stayed where he was in awkward silence. A very long, awkward silence.

My mind spewed out at least a million different sentences. I hate you. I love you. I wish you would die. Do you love me? Do you miss me? Why are you such an asshole? These sentences tried as hard as they could to escape out of my mouth, but still I said nothing. I just stared at him.

Chandra noticed that Jay had a friend with him, one who obviously had no idea what was going on. I hadn't even noticed him there, blabbing away about something or other. All I had noticed was the intense pain that kept burning inside. When Chandra asked the guy to take a walk with her, I realized I was now going to have to say something.

" Hi." I said, and immediately hated myself. Hi? I couldn't have said something, anything, other than hi?What kind of lunatic punches someone and then says hi?

Luckily, he played along. " Hi." he said back, " I'm sorry that -" I stopped him, shrugging and adding, " I'm over it."

The voice in the back of my head screamed at me, threw it's hands in the air, then fell desperately to it's knees in agony as I said, " I really just don't care anymore. We weren't serious anyways."

He believed me. He knew I was cold hearted, that I didn't love anyone. It was easy to believe I didn't love him either. I wanted to stab myself in the heart. Why would I say that to him? Why couldn't I just say the truth? I love you! my head screamed as we walked down the halls, talking as though we were still friends.

We ran into another friend of mine, Merrill, after Chandra left. He was moderately good looking, with great abs and a ridiculus need for attention. He flirted with me constantly, ever since the seventh grade when I was the first girl to sprout breasts. I never knew him well, but he was alot of fun to be around.

I told him I was homeless, careful to avoid Jay's eye as I said it. I didn't want him to know I had done it for him. Merrill acted immediately, probably hoping I would sleep with him. He offered to let me sleep at his house, but we had to go right then.

I looked desperately at Jay, hoping he would tell me not to leave. Merrill, however, said something incredibly painful before I could say a word.

" Hey, where's your girlfriend at?" He asked Jay, finally noticing his presence. Jay looked as though Merrill had punched him in the face. He glanced at me before saying he didn't know, apparently thinking I would suddenly show emotion, something I had never done in my life. I just smiled at him, letting him believe I was happy to go home with Merrill.

When I left, Jay hugged me. He hugged me like he was never going to let go. For a moment, I actually questioned whether he was going to. So I patted him on the back like a bitch, kissed him on the cheek and said " You can let go anytime, you know." The voice in my head committed suicide.

So I went home with Merrill.