continued story

Before I begin, I want to say that I have no idea where this blog is going. I'm really enjoying writing my stories though, even if they're not terrific. So bear with me for a while, because I don't know what's coming after this story. Also, it is completely and embarassingly true.



So, I moved back to Pahrump. I didn't actually move in the general sense of the word, since I didn't actually have a home to move to. I just decided it would be a good idea to live on the streets. I can't see at this point how I thought that would win Jay back.



When I arrived, I headed for the only place any teenager ever hangs out in Pahrump. The nugget. I'd like to say that we went there because it was fun, perhaps even because someone made us go. Unfortunately, no. It was a bowling alley and casino that everyone went to, just because. We would all just sit at a table inside the Nugget and talk about how much we hated the Nugget. Then, we would go sit outside of the Nugget. That way we could sit in a circle, smoke, and talk about how much we hated the Nugget. It was truly a barrel of fun.

I ran into quite a few people that I knew, but in Pahrump, you could pretty much do that just by going to the mailbox. What I was surprised about was not the abundance of people, but the amount of people that had no idea I had ever left. I once broke up with someone over the phone and had someone call me on the other line to ask me why. Knowing gossip was the mark of a Pahrumpian. If something happened in Pahrump and you didn't know about it, then you should probably assume no one knows you exist.

All day I waited around at the Nugget, thinking Jay would show up any minute. I hadn't planned what I was going to say to him, or even if I would say anything at all. Obviously though, my logic button had broken days ago and rational thoughts were leaking out of my head before I could process them. I just knew I had to see him.

Chandra, my best friend, came down to see me. The moment she walked through the doors, she wheeled me around and walked back out of them. We were going to find Jay. Yes, I truly decided that becoming an insane stalker was the direction I was going to take my life. The fact that I wasn't being bombarded into a closet and drenched in holy water at this point amazes me.

We had no idea where his house was, yet we found it. By some combination of sheer luck and little bit too much crazy, we found it. Naturally, he wasn't there. Billy's mom, who was actually a previous co worker of mine, announced that he had left for the Nugget. Then she told me that Jay had brought some skinny whore home a week ago, in those exact words. I knew she was battling herself on the inside, because she liked me as a co worker but had always been terrified I would end up with her son. I didn't blame her honestly, but wondered if she felt the same way about Jay.

We turned around and head back to the Nugget, Chandra freaking out because her parents would be there soon to pick her up. Her parents were very, very christian people. Not the nice, lovable kind of christian but the kind that would probably stone you to death if it was still legal. They had a love-hate kind of relationship with me. They loved me for who I was, but hated me because it was easier to blame me than Chandra for her actions. Still, they probably already had the stones ready in case she was late.

We stopped at a different casino(don't you love Nevada?)to go to the restroom and ran into a lovely group of people that might well have been escaped convicts. They were two, kindly looking older women so we assumed that they would be friendly and got in the car when they offered us a ride. Then their two giant, black boyfriends joined us.

The conversation was frightening and included many, many references to someplace they kept calling the "bat cave". Someplace they wanted to take us to. Someplace I never, ever want to go. It was probably the longest car ride of my life, but pretending to be hardcore lesbians seemed to help us in the end. I knew our manly ways would pay off one day.

Anyways, I saw Jay the second I walked in the door. He was dressed like an idiot, with his hair cut like an idiot. He looked like my worst idea of a man. Yet I wanted to touch him so badly. Or hit him, maybe. Yes, that was definitely it. I could feel my emotions boiling up, turning quickly into nothing but pure hatred. I just wanted to hit him, to hit him repeatedly until he felt the same pain that I did.

So I did.

Once again, this has run on too long. More on this story later.