Saying I was shocked would be like saying Hugh Heffner liked women. It didn't really need to be said. I struggled for words, my heart and my brain still in a tragic battle for my mouth.

" What about Stacy?" I asked, filling time while I ran through the logistics in my head. He loved me, he actually loved me back. But what if he was lying? What if he wanted Stacy, and I was just his second choice? I wasn't going to be another one of his girlfriends that just filled the obvious void in his heart.

" I'm not in love with Stacy, I'm in love with you." he said. His face was pleading, but my heart froze as I said,
" I'm sorry, I can't. Go back to Stacy."

I followed him outside, where I saw Stacy and her friend lying on the concrete around the electric box. She didn't look at Jay, or even talk to him. My suspicions were confirmed. He obviously chose me as his second choice.

I spent the next three hours jogging back and forth from the Nugget to the electric box, as Jay insisted he could not leave until he talked to her(we were going to the hippie den).I was sure I would rather have eaten my own eyeballs then watch them make up, but I wanted him to be happy. With or without me.

When night had fallen and everyone in Pahrump had congregated at the Nugget, Jay disappeared into the desert with Stacy. I staggered back and forth between excitement and depression, hoping that he was telling her he loved me and feeling guilty for thinking it. I stood near the concrete where the desert began, waiting as if he was annoying me.

" Are Jay and Stacy up there?" it was Merrill's voice that said it. He was not alone, but rather flanked by two muscular teenage boys.

" Yeah, they are." I said.

" Good. We're gonna kick Jay's ass." He said, laughing as though I'd suddenly want to join in.

" No, you're not." I replied, pulling myself up and walking into him. I stood mere centimeters from him when I said, " you'll have to get through me first."

It worked. I must have had a secret bodyguard behind me, because threatening those boys was enough to keep them at bay. We all huddled near the entrance to the desert, doing a sort of step dance to see who would get to him first.

Half an hour later, the boys gave up on our aerobic threat dance and walked into the Nugget. I, meanwhile, called to Jay. I was fighting the urge to kick his ass myself as I saw him come down with Stacy, glancing at me in guilt and still holding her bony hand.